Support for Mental Health - The Huge Strides Taken

As we go through another Bell Let’s Talk Day, it’s easy to feel like there is still so far to go in terms of how mental health is managed and supported in this country. But, in looking back over the last 20 years, it should allow us to see how far we, as a society, have come. 

In the fall of 2004, I was just less than a year into a new job. It was busy and stressful, and I was working up to 70 hours a week. While there were parts I enjoyed, it was becoming too much. Around that time, my sister invited me to a Support Network breakfast where former NHLer Ron Ellis was speaking. He spoke about his depression and how it slowly began to take over in him. As I listened, I heard him describing me. I had never really thought of myself of being depressed. Sure, I had some down times, but I had never felt it was my mental health that was the issue.

Days later I sat down with my sister. Not only was she family, but she was experienced in supporting others with such challenges. She was extremely helpful in talking me through what I was feeling and potential ways I could manage it. One of those options was to use the employee assistance program through my employer and talk to a counsellor. This was another thing I never thought I’d use. It was something others might need if they couldn’t figure things out on their own, but I’d always thought I’d fall into the camp of people who could solve their own issues. Finally I went ahead and met with a counsellor. He was helpful and engaged me in some good conversations that got me on a better path. That said, I kept it hidden. I didn’t seek support from other people around me partly because I wasn’t sure how they’d react. I admit, at the time I was a bit upset at myself that I’d let things slip and that I didn’t have the answers on my own. 

If I was going through this for the first time today, I am confident in saying that embarrassment or self-anger would be less likely to exist. In a relatively short time, our society has made it safer for people to share and open up. We’ve made it normal for people to be honest about their struggles. We’ve made it a more common for people to be vulnerable more regularly, and not just in front of counsellors. This is success – no, it’s huge success. It’s incredible growth we’ve seen. To no extent am I suggesting that we have fully solved the mental health challenges in our country. We haven’t. Supports for mental health need to be better built into our health system so it’s treated as a health ailment, much like a broken arm or an ear infection and we’re not there yet. We need to continue to support people in sharing their thoughts, through formal or informal settings, and to further normalize the idea of talking and sharing or anxieties and feelings. But…we’ve made huge improvements and we need to celebrate that.

In so many parts of our world it’s easy to look at where you are today and feel as though strides forward have been few. On the topic of mental health, we have made huge moves ahead. We hear about mental health and its importance discussed now almost everyday and from all walks of life. Through that, more people are opening up and getting the help they need. We’re far from being there yet, but we’re an awful lot closer today than back in 2004 when this writer cautiously and quietly took his first steps to improving his mental health. 

Being in the Room

The reality is, if we’re not in the room, we really don’t know what’s going on. In our ever-connected world where information on any and all topics comes flying at us incessantly, it’s made us all feel like we’re experts on everything. But we’re really not. 

Lately, we’ve all become armchair infectious disease experts. Or take sports as an example. The December cancellation of the World Junior Hockey Championships brought ‘experts’ out of the woodwork claiming it should’ve been cancelled all along or that it was ridiculous it was ended. With the Oilers ongoing struggles, thousands of general managers in waiting are asking “Why haven’t they gotten a goaltender yet? They’re not trying.” Truth is, unless we’re in those rooms hearing all the angles, actual facts, opinions, projections, implications, we really don’t know what’s going on. Being in the room, you can still disagree with the decisions made, but at least those opinions would be made having heard the realities and not the made up ones pieced together from the info thrown at us. 

In 2005 we at University of Alberta Athletics were hosting the men’s university hockey championship, with the final at Rexall Place. After reasonable ticket sales leading up to the tournament, orders went crazy the day of the gold medal game. Phones were ringing like crazy and prior to game time lineups were out the door at Rexall, and across the bridge over 118th Avenue. We received criticism from fans and the media for being unprepared. However, if those critics had been in the room with us, they would’ve heard the whole story. They would’ve heard us talk the day before about preparing for a 50% walk up of ticket buyers (based on tickets sold to that point), which according to our ticket partner would be extremely high and unlikely to occur based on to-date sales. They would’ve heard us discuss how to balance staffing the building for this unlikely potential walk up, without incurring unreasonable costs, for an organization that had to watch its dollars. 

We had a 100% walk up. We doubled our existing sales in one day - almost unheard of for live sport. That was a scenario only hindsight could’ve prepared us for. We were certainly not perfect in our preparation, but we planned to our best ability with the best info we had leading up. Only being in the room would have given our critics that perspective, not just the casual and incomplete observations from the outside. 

To paraphrase former US President Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the one who points out how the strong person stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming…”

Decisions seem easy and obvious with only a fraction of the information or considerations. The easy thing for any of us to do is to call out from afar others’ challenges or failings, perceived or real. So, imagine yourself in that room. Consider all the hard truths coming at you in making a decision. Then, and only then, are you really in a position to understand what’s truly happening.

The High Road

One of the best things I’ve learned in my career is the idea of ‘taking the high road’. At Incite this was inherent in our culture, so I’m fortunate it was taught to me there, and I’ve aimed to carry this on. 

Challenging situations in business or any walk of life will happen. And in those challenging situations it’s easy to get frustrated or angry and push to get back what we feel we’re owed. With this mentality, all that often results is two sides digging in trying to get all they can. They’re not seeing the bigger picture of their own interests or even how maintaining a mutually strong relationship can provide better results for all. 

There is a tendency for any of us to think, “If I take the high road, I’m not standing my ground or defending my interests. I’m letting myself be pushed around.” What taking the high road actually means is separating yourself from the conflict of the moment to instead see what could be. Float up above the situation to see what’s really needed. What can you absolutely, not give in to? What does the other side really need? If we work together to find a solution, what opportunities does that open for us both? This ‘floating’ takes discipline to see the possibilities, rather than what divides, and to replace winning in the moment for winning together in the long term. 

As any of us work to be high road people, navigating the immediate frustration of the moment is what is hard. It isn’t comfortable to think the other side is succeeding at our expense. The benefit, however, is the environment that’s being created. A culture is being set up that aims to build strong relationships of give and take. Strong relationships that easily endure through inquiry and hard questions, asking for what you need, and that ultimately put you in a better position than had you retaliated in the initial moments of conflict. 

The high road isn’t easy to find and I have to constantly remind myself to stay on it and why that matters. As it’s practiced, in each difficult situation we’ll be asking “what is the best possible outcome for both sides here and what do I need to do in this moment to make that happen?”. Doing that lets us enjoy the view from the high road.